I’m not particularly precious about the words I write. But I do spend a long time writing, editing, thinking about the language I use, often choosing a particular turn of phrase because I know it will engage the audience. And I can get a wee bit grumpy if people start incorrectly correcting my work. However, I’m not a patch on Giles Coren and his rant to The Times…

We’ve written on all kinds of topics in the last few years - from nuclear power stations, to tax issues, redundancy, bereavement and just about every professional service you can imagine. And I’ve never had to refuse a job for fear that I won’t be able to devise a creative way to sell to, inform or influence the end customer of said product or service.

I’ve finally found the product that would stump even the most creative of marketers.

Doggie mineral water.

Yep, you read that correctly. That’s bottled mineral water for dogs.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love animals, I’ve had both cats and dogs and various assorted small and cuddlies (including a rather gorgeous Russian Dwarf Hamster called Fudge). But doggie mineral water? Really?

I stumbled across this befuddling product as I trundled around the Trafford Centre. Displayed in all its glory, along with life-sized doggie to play with the kids, Aqua Paw proudly announced: ‘You drink bottled water, so why shouldn’t your dog?’

I was to discover, after some in-depth reading, that this product really is worthwhile, reducing the botty burps of man’s best friend. That’s a relief then.

This week The Gadget Show featured the top five most stupid gadgets of the last year. We’d love to hear about the most ridiculous product or service you’ve ever come across.

A couple of my close friends gave birth recently, which meant that a whole host of names have been sought out in books and online, spoken aloud in various tones ranging from thoughtful to disdainful and, ultimately, mostly discarded.

One of my friends had her heart set on Caleb, until she discovered that it is commonly believed to mean “dog”, while my other friend must have been very grateful to have had a boy instead of a girl, and thus avoided the certain argument with her football-mad husband over whether or not to name their firstborn, Chelsea.

Similar time and concern is often awarded to the choice of a company name.

Do you favour something simple and memorable that tells the customer absolutely nothing about what the company does, but could conceivably become a brand name applicable to a wide range of services, such as Google, Orange, or Virgin?

Do you choose a name that incorporates a reference to your product or services, such as Hotel Chocolat, or that aims to convey something about the company’s ethos, such as Innocent?

Do you name your company after your founders, such as Marks & Spencer? Or do you randomly pick a name out of a dictionary, without even thinking about it?

At various stages I have considered changing my company name - but eventually decided against it. I don’t want want to harm the brand reputation that I’ve  successfully built up over the previous years with All Words; but, more than this, I feel that the name sums up what I do really rather well.

Words. I love them. I write them. I proofread and edit them. I speak them.

And, above all, we believe that they are the most important element of any form of business communication, from websites to brochures, newsletters to blogs, advertisements to press releases, business reports to company names.

Choose your name wisely, then. After all, you don’t want to be the company equivalent of the nine-year-old boy I once met, who had the misfortune of trying to make his way through life while bearing the hefty burden of the name Dwayne Pipe…

Writing goes hand in hand with reading. What a waste of time it would be to spend hours crafting beautiful prose if no one was around to read it.

And that’s why we think The Reading Agency, an independent charity inspiring people to read more, is a rather splendid idea. They say, “Imagine that no-one had encouraged you to understand the funny little squiggles on the page called words that can make you gasp or can make you cry. You’d be a smaller person*, living in a smaller world.”

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.

(* And at 5ft 2in, Nicola is already a person of diminutive stature)

The illustration above was not done by me (I can barely draw a stick man). It was done by our friend, illustrator Ryan Welsh. He’s self taught (not jealous, honest) and hails from Birmingham. If you like to get in touch with him you can call him on 07900 263068 or email rajyellow@hotmail.com.

Want to clinch a business deal?

Hm.

Perhaps, after reading about biscuits this week, I should add “Don’t forget to turn up at the meeting with chocolate digestives” to our article on writing proposals…

Today is our official All Words VIM.

VIM, in case you were wondering, is short for Very Important Meeting - so named because it is the occasion where, once a month, the Boss Ladies get together to discuss our company’s progress, any problems and strategies to further our ultimate aim of World Domination.

Oh, and because it generally takes place in a pub, or a swanky bar (depending on how many cheques have come through that month) – a Very Important Part (VIP) of the VIM.

I like that we use the term ‘VIM’. I like that I can say to someone “I have a VIM later,” and they’ll frown and ask what a VIM is, then laugh when I explain.

Because it is funny that we can take a simple concept like a meeting, slather it with an official title and then slice it into an acronym in order to make it sound more complicated and important – and, in the process, ensure that no-one else knows what on earth we’re talking about.

But what is even funnier is that that is exactly what so many acronyms do. Complicate. Confuse. And Put People Off (or PPO – sorry, couldn’t resist…).

Don’t get me wrong, acronyms have their places and uses. Industry organisations that have long-winded titles, for example - who wants to type out ‘Higher Education Environmental Performance Improvement’ more than once, when they could use HEEPI?

Some acronyms act as company ‘nicknames’, which can become an effective part of the branding process – think KFC, M&S, or FCUK.

Other acronyms are useful shorthand between industry professionals. When speaking to a web developer, for example, I’d prefer to discuss our CMS rather than stumble over the phrase ‘Content Management System’ every time we talk about websites.

But, when it comes to marketing, so many organisations forget that the acronyms they use in their everyday jobs simply aren’t understood by the people they want to market to – so filling their website and brochures full of initials often put potential customers off.

Obviously, it all depends on your audience. Industry professionals will recognise and feel comfortable with industry acronyms. But, if you’re a business finance expert and you’re addressing the financially-inexperienced owner of a small business, do explain that PIMS is short for Profit Impact of Marketing Strategies, before they think you’re offering them a summery drink.

Jargon. Business-speak. Acronyms. In your marketing materials, just say no, kids.

(But in your VIM, you could allow yourself a GSB*…)

*Glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

I’ve read a few copywriting books in my time. From supposed top tips (‘Just Stick the Word “Sell” into Everything’ by E. Ternal-Optimist) to rub-your-nose-in-it success stories (‘How I Became a Billionaire by Convincing You All to Buy My Book’ by I. M. Useless), there’s plenty of guff out there about how to be a good writer by people who aren’t actually good writers themselves.

But if you really want to understand and witness first-hand the engaging power of words in business, I recommend you pick up a book by John Simmons.

With a writing style that blends simplicity, imagination and humour, John strips business writing clean of jargon, clichés and bullshit – and in their place installs clarity, honesty and a refreshing dose of humanity.

In doing so, he demonstrates exactly how effective the right words can be – and how important they are in communicating with and successfully engaging customers, employees and stakeholders at all levels.

Most important of all, his creative, easy-to-read style reveals that business writing does not have to be dull – in fact, the more lively and interesting it is, the more effective it is likely to be.

One of my favourites of John’s books to date is part of his Great Brand Stories series – ‘Innocent: Building a Brand from Nothing But Fruit’. Innocent happens to be one of our best-loved brands here at All Words, for their a) wonderfully engaging copywriting style; b) understanding of the value of tone of voice in establishing and maintaining both a brand and company ethos – and c) lip-smackingly gorgeous blackberries, raspberries and boysenberries smoothies. Yum.

This book delves into the success of Innocent’s simplicity to reveal its more complex creativity – and along the way teaches us some important lessons about the often underestimated power of words.

It’s also what all decent books should be (although sadly so many are not) – entertaining.

Give it a go, and let us know what you think.

And if you like it, mine’s a cranberry and raspberry, thanks…